Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
