So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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