Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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