My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I need moral support for this bender
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
