We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
