so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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