forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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