Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
