i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
