Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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