I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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