you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
