so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
