11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
