I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
