tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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