It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
