i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just found a bag of teeth...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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