i'm signing you up for texting rehab
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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