You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
