he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
