I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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