Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He felt like a one man threesome
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
