just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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