I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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