dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
