The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
