have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
