At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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