Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
