were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
