The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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