dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
