none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
i believe in u and ur pee
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
