using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
