Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
