I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
