Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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