Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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