he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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