you have to choose: penises or morals?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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