i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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