Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
