Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
