I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
