I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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