I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
