We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
