Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
