my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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