I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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